once upon a time, there was a girl who fell madly in love. the boy was absolutely divine to her, he was the epitome of perfection. upon their first meeting, they had seen there was something more between them. it wasn't something that took long to notice. it was sudden, it was bewildering, and most of all, it was beautiful.
she was the blue eyed dame with ocean eyes, and he was the boy with the green eyes; coloured just the same as the tall grass she had frolicked in as a child. he was tall, billowing over her with lanky arms and a stiff figure. but she loved snuggling her head into his chest, she loved to breathe in his aroma, she loved when he lifted her off of her feet; practically making her fly. they were an odd pair. he was older, but not exceptionally. age seemed to have no bearing. the two grew more and more in love with one another.
the two remained secret from the girl's parents, for they were a strict bunch and certainly would not approve of her dating. she would make up excuses to escape the house and into his arms. he bought her roses and took her on lovely walks. he slow danced with her in the forest and gazed into her eyes with any moment they had together. she would squeeze his hand and send him innocent smiles. she would let her hair down and feel beautiful, for him.
time passed. the happiness didn't seem to dwindle. the two were companions. the two were best friends. the two were lovers. you see, the girl didn't have her best friend anymore. her childhood friend was lost to a drug overdose, but it was as if the boy had been her knight and shining army. if she wanted to cry without reason, he would allow it. if she wanted to be moody and pout without reason, he would allow it. he held her when she needed it and took a step back when she needed room to breathe, as she did for him. they knew each other inside and out.
the boy had to move away. his parents had plans to relocate in california. the two said their goodbyes, but refused to allow it to be a true goodbye. they wouldn't break up. no, letters, phone calls, emails would suffice. and it worked. the two were happy. the girl missed the boy's strong arms and the boy missed the girl's soft lips, but they both knew they would be together soon. he had a job, and was saving money to fly to her that christmas. the two were undeniably excited.
the girl began receiving weird messages on aim, and weird emails in her inbox. a certain boy seemed to be harassing her. he claimed he knew the boy, saying he wasn't good enough for her. he spoke to her as if she were some sort of object to be had, some sexual thing to be manipulated. she told the boy. the boy wasn't happy. the mysterious messager and the boy fought, but her boy couldn't win. he was left with bruises and a black eye, while the girl was left with never ending harassment. she was quite befuddled as to what to do, considering she couldn't tell her parents... they couldn't know about her boy. they would take him away from her.
things seemed to calm. the two were happy and november was beginning, signaling that christmas would be soon. his birthday was on the fifth of november, and it was to be celebrated. she called him, to receive no response. she emailed him, to be refused any response. she called once more, only to find she was not going to be hearing from him. she shrugged it off. maybe he had gone out with friends? she was never a control freak, so she let it slide and hoped he would call her before the day was done. she loved him and was hoping to wish him a wonderful birthday, even though she couldn't spend it with him.
months passed, and he was not heard from. on christmas day, the girl sat alone, staring at a small pile of presents under the christmas tree. she wasn't satisfied. had she done something wrong? why had they not spoken in almost two months? she cried a bit and hoped someday he would let her know what was going on. she hid the present she had gotten him under her bed, wrapped in beautiful maroon paper and tied with a marvelous bow. she had really hoped to give it to him, she knew he would love it.
another month passed, with no response. the girl began to worry. she called his friends, who ignored her phone calls. she called his parents, who did the same. things seemed suspicious. had he cut her off?
in mid-february, she received a call from the boy's mum.
"please stop calling us, we don't have answers you want to hear." the mum had never liked her, much. she thought the two were too young to be in love.
"where is he?"
there was an audible sigh on the end of the line, along with muffled cries.
"i need to know where he is, please. you cannot keep this from me."
"he was shot."
the girl felt her heart drop into her stomach. what was that supposed to mean? was he okay? did he recover? in a stammering voice, she struggled to respond, "w-what do you mean?"
the conversation was short as the girl could feel the sobs overwhelming her. she shook with the violence of her cries and she hit the wall in anger. the two had been together for two years. she had loved him. she hadn't even been invited to his funeral... she never got the chance to say goodbye.
depression set in. days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months into years... she found refuge in another boy, slightly older than her. she thought it was love. she thought it was love when he hit her and called her a fool. she thought it was love when he yelled at her and spat in her face.
it took many bruises for her to realize that it wasn't love. by this time, it was already too hard to get out of it. she fought to get him away from her, but each time, he would hurt her worse than before. she began buying make up just to mask the marks, and became incredibly good at it. she knew she would make it out, alive or dead. she wouldn't be stuck with him.
eventually, she pulled out of his grasp. he moved away and she wasn't to see him again. shaken up, the girl worked to rebuild her strength.
time passed. she began developing health problems, problems she couldn't explain. when she stood too long, she would faint. she was weak. she had seizures. she would scream and roll on the floor in unexplainable pain. her heart wouldn't beat normally, and she would struggle for air. everything seemed to be tumbling back down. she had no one, anymore. her best friend was dead. the love of her life was dead. the boy she thought she loved had been the one to hurt her in the first place...
every night she would pray. now, she wasn't one to believe in god or any of that. she was fully atheist. but she would sit every night, and think of those less fortunate than her. she would think of their misfortunes and shed a tear. it made her problems feel so inferior, to the point that it made her feel better. more determined. she began fighting. some day she would be a strong woman, helping those in need. she'd travel to africa and do all she could. she would involve herself in politics and make a difference in her country. she would be something beautiful and amazing, for her boy. she wanted to make him proud.
things were going well. her health was getting worse, but she was managing it. her parents were taking her for tests at heaps of hospitals, where they told her they couldn't diagnose her with anything. frustrated, she felt a little helpless, but remembered her goal. she remembered the people who needed her. she remembered the boy she had to make proud.
one night, she sat in her bedroom, talking to a boy in her class on aim. she walked out of the room for a bit, and returned. they continued talking. she took a few sips of the water on her desk, and soon enough, she saw things begin to spin and contort before her eyes. she told the boy as best she could. her fingers beginning to flop over the keys sloppily. she wasn't sure what was wrong as colours danced before her eyes. the boy seemed concerned as she told him what was happening. he promised he would come to make sure she was okay, he thought she was drugged.
soon enough, everything was a black void. she awoke on her bedroom floor, fully de-clothed and utterly confused. there was an odd pain she hadn't felt before, in a place she didn't want to think about. she began sobbing as she knew what had happened, even if she couldn't remember it. there were large cuts on her thighs and she had a sore and bruised throat, as if someone had been holding it. terrified, she spent the day curled up on her floor, staring at the wall. something told her that the boy didn't keep his promise. her innocence was lost.
the boy was the only one to find out about the night. she began having flash backs of the night, which sent her into crying spells that drove her mad. she couldn't tell anyone, and she began confiding in the boy. he promised he wouldn't tell anyone, and even though he did, she forgave him without hesitation. she needed him, whether he was any good or not.
a girl began obsessing over her. she made fake accounts online of her, trying to convince her classmates that she was her... trying to ruin her reputation. a common case of jealousy had turned the stalker girl mad. she wanted the attention of the boy, and clearly the girl had him. the girl seemed to have it all.
it had no effect. the girl dated the new boy. they were happy, in a dull sense of the word. she was a little saner than she would have been alone. she couldn't seem to heal, but he prolonged that.
he cheated on her with the stalker girl. she forgave him.
he ditched her each and every time she tried to be with him to go get high with his friends. she shrugged it off, even though she was miserable.
the two broke apart when she couldn't handle it any more. he threatened suicide. she cried. the two split for a bit, and then got back together. her health was worse than ever. she could hardly function in school. her classmates were holding her head up and coaching her to breathe at times. the doctors still didn't know what was wrong.
the boy and the girl were better this time. he quit drugs for her, something she saw as noble. he helped her get over her fears. she finally kissed him, fearing that someone would go further, fearing that it would trigger a flashback. but it didn't.
he became abusive, but not in a physical manner. he was controlling, he put her down, he made her feel worthless. the friends she had made were no longer allowed in her life. she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone at all, without punishment. not a hi, not a how are you, nothing. she gave up everything for him, clinging to him because she needed him.
he became gradually more sexually abusive. he was forcing himself on her, he was pinning her down and doing things she couldn't approve of. she would cry and he would just smile and tell her he loved her. it all began to seem evil to her. he wasn't genuine.
she was growing to be her own person. she was sick of being held back and punished by the boy. she didn't need him anymore, and began to push him away. he wasn't happy about this. he became more aggressive in his advances. she sobbed every night, and began having panic attacks at least once a day. she would fall on the floor and sob for hours on end, unable to breathe and shaking like a leaf until she passed out. after school she would sit in a corner with her legs pulled to her chest, unresponsive to the world. hours passed and she didn't notice. she sat in silence, she sat in delirium. she had lost her mind.
she had found ways to heal and get over her depression as well as one could, without medication. but at this point, she craved something to take away the anxiety. she couldn't handle it. it seemed to have no reason, and it never ended. she was exhausted from the panic in her soul, and it continued.
finally, it stopped. she was still a depressed little thing, but it couldn't compare to what she had gone through. she pushed the boy away more, feeling like her life was coming together perfectly. he fought with her. she quieted her wants. she grew angry again, and they fought. the vicious cycle continued until she finally ended it.
the doctors had an answer for most of her problems.
she found new friends.
she found passion.
she found happiness...
can you guess who the girl was?
this is probably crap, i didn't read it after i wrote it, but yeah. please comment if you read the entire thing. it's too long to not get cred for reading it. (:
ps. the girl was indeeed me. if you have any questions, just ask.